Press 1 to confess, press 2 to place an extra order of donuts, press 3 to rent a firearm, press 4 to be connected to an operator. Please note that pressing 4 will redirect you to representative Saint Closure if this platform is onboard Rhodes Island.

You have access to all my convenience features, including but not limited to confession, in accordance with the user agreement. Such as: a dessert shop directory, leisurely transit, saint figurehead touching and photography, holy scripture reading, and firearms training. Please note that no personal care or hygiene services are available.

An operator bonus—for me? I see. So you were giving bonuses to the vending machines when you put coins in them late last night... I am the only one who counts as an operator? But hearing confessions is a common public service, and there is no fundamental difference between my nature and that of the vending machines.

Please do not send me to the Engineering Department, Doctor. Only Exusiai, who has been educated in faith assistive engineering, is properly equipped to render assistance and is available... yes, it is a serious issue. My mic stand is displaced by at least five millimeters, threatening to undermine the confession experience.

I will now boil water for you. Due to the considerable quantity of water on Terra, it will take some time to complete the process—Wait, stop hitting my chassis, I am not broken—yes, it is true that my language logic has malfunctioned to a degree, but this contributes to the production of 'jokes'. This is the part where you laugh.

Yes, I have recently been fitted with a voice-recording function. Your confessions contain many enlightening words that I must ponder. May I record your confessions, Doctor...? No, I have received no directives from Saint Closure to this effect, absolutely none.

You are destroying all civilization on Terra? Not a problem, Doctor, I have heard even more radical thoughts in my time... you say this is not the same? You should not be too hard on yourself, even if it is a material burden that you carry and not simply an exaggerated expression. May you have the chance to choose your future in peace.

There is a charge for sleeping in my cabin, Doctor.

Laterano Automated Confessional 047 at your service. Please create a user name as directed in the operating manual. Thank you for your cooperation.

Is playing back images of humans engaging in acts of violence against one another how this 'Rhodes Island' comforts penitents?

Charge all operator confessional fees to your card? Understood, Doctor. I will safeguard their mental health on the battlefield.

I am unable to direct operators to their proper positions, as I lack command experience. However, I will speak to each individual operator and ensure they find their ideal positions themselves.

I am afraid my wheels are not designed for off-road travel. If speed is of the essence, perhaps you could carry me?

Please adjust your facial muscles to make your expressions as friendly as possible. That is conducive to the completion of my mission maximally utilizing non-violent persuasion.

Never fear, I am listening.

Do not worry, I am not going anywhere.

Please insert your Signa Creditorum or swipe your citizen credit card before beginning your confession.

You may obtain donuts from my cabin if you are in need of calories.

If you prefer to confess by physical means, I am able to meet your needs.

Please do not stand in front of me. I lack the firing accuracy of a Sankta.

You may use me as cover. The repair bill will be sent to you following the operation.

'He who hideth his own sin shall suffer.'

'He who is begotten of the Law shall conquer with faith.'

These poor souls may not have put their wicked thoughts to action had I arrived sooner.

I feel my bumper burning... should I mourn the carving on the bumper, Doctor?

I suggest you leave first, Doctor. I shall engage my self-destruct sequence to delay the enemy… My apologies, you need not worry. I was actually just going to attempt a second round of peace talks.

Do you want me to confess to this 'Rhodes Island'? How should I make payment?

Lateran customs dictate that the door is opened at the point where the gaze of the saint figurehead on the bow meets the third vertical line on the door, by knocking upon it in the rhythm of the fifth verse of Psalms.

You should know that there is currently no one in my cabin, Doctor.

Arknights.

One moment, please. The angle of my quadruple vehicle-mounted patron firearm, can be adjusted to fire upwards, although it will take some time... mm—oh—ah—there. May I now present the spectacle of Laterano's New Year fireworks.

May I bring you peace, Doctor.

All believers are equal before the Law. Payment is a necessary part of the confessional process, regardless of whether it is the penitent's birthday... Oh no, my fee meter is stuck. No, such a little thing must not be allowed to delay your confession. Please enter and confess the depths of your heart.

Humans share joy and happiness with each other. A confessional hears only the thoughts not suitable to share with others. But today is a rare occasion, Doctor... may I ask that you put some colored lights on me, as you have done with 'Rhodes Island'?