Howl
May 2015
Kagerou had never liked breathing exercise. As a child, she was always taught to keep her posture straight, her eyes open and sharp, and her breathing, even, quiet, controlled. She didn’t mind the other exercises much, those hours with the books balanced on her head or the time she had to wear those tiny little shoes and walk around the house. But the breathing exercises—long hours sitting on her chair, trying to keep her uneven, heavy breathing under control—somehow, it was the most difficult of all. The best she could manage, when she really tried, ended up being a sort of a pant; like a dog trying to remain calm. She hated those.
And now, while she was almost drowning, it was those exercises that overtook her mind. The water around her was cold and the hand that held her down was hard and stiff and unbreakable. She could hold her nerve, kept herself from moving, from fighting, to store what energy she had left, but her breathing was still uneven. She was losing air faster and faster. If she couldn’t control it like she controlled every other part of her body, none of those exercises would be worth a thing.
Suddenly, the arm that held her head down was gone, and her whole plunged to the lake. Free from restraint, she managed to swim up. She pulled her head out of the water and finally had her lungful of air.
On the shore, her assailant was screaming. “Get off, you beast! Aaagh!”
Her legs were tired and her breathing was still difficult and stiff, but she swam and pulled herself to shore. Her assailant had run off, screaming and cursing (“Monsters! We’ll get you for this!”), and in her place, when Kagerou had finally straightened her vision and looked up, was a small black wolf.
The wolf sniffed at her. There was something soft and familiar with its nose, and when she sniffed back, she recognized him.
“You’re getting into some trouble, aren’t you?” the wolf said to her, almost casually.
“She’s mad at me,” Kagerou replied. She crouched down, facing the lake. “I think… I messed up her party, last night.”
The black wolf snorted. “I think you handled that party very well, last night.”
Kagerou hugged herself, nervous. She was still dripping wet. “I don’t think so. I don’t remember what happened. I messed up and now they all know.” She brushed her hair and found her long furry ear. It was torn on one side.
“What happened to your ears?” the wolf asked.
“I don’t remember, but I think, I think they fought me last night. I think I turned.” She hid her face behind her lap. “I’m scared.”
“Don’t be. You’re still young. You’ll learn.”
“But when? How long do I need?” She fidgeted. “Tonight they tried to drown me. What will happen next? Try to burn me? I’m worried for my parents.”
The wolf was silent for a while. “Me to.”
He looked up to the moon above. A waning gibbous moon, and it was shining brightly behind the clouds. Instinctively, the wolf howled, loud and clear, howled as hard a wolf ought to do.
Kagerou watched. Her lungs were calling for her to do the same, as she had often done every night, but she could not bring herself to do it then.
This is a fanfic for Touhou Project, but it works as a stand-alone too.
Touhou is a Japanese game series that takes place in a fantastical land populated with humanoid monsters with terrifying powers while normal humans live concentrated in a single village. It's a light-hearted series, but its lore is wildly open for interpretation; some people stretch the human-monster dynamic to its horrific conclusion, while others are just happy writing about monster people making friends.
- 2019